Edward versus Captain Jack

I don't always read heavy religious tomes or serious fiction and non-fiction.  Sometimes I read total crap.  It's kind of like a mind vacation.  My mother was the same way.  It's like mind candy.  You don't really have to pay attention and it gives you a little vacation.

One of the series that we liked was the Twilight books.  Mom liked the first couple of movies (died before the last ones came out) but I thought they were terrible.  Bella looked like she was dead from the start.  You know, pale white people can be animated.  Some of them have a real inner light that makes their eyes sparkle.  Being white does NOT automatically make you boring.  In fairness, her character thought she was boring, but no one else in the book did.  On screen she didn't sparkle.  Not all people can, so it's not a reflection on her acting, but rather casting.

My real problem was with Edward.  Also a white guy.  No offense to Robert Pattison, because I've seen him in other things where he does good work, but he needed to be channeling Captain Jack Sparrow for this role.  If you happen to have one of these books in the house, go grab one.  I'll wait...............................

Now open the book to any page where Edward has dialog.  Read it out loud as Captain Jack would.  See??  A much better story.

Jack charmed everyone, Edward not so much.  There was no reason for Edward to be so boring.  He'd lived hundred of years, allowing him plenty of time to come up with witty one liners for any occasion.

Since you already have found the book, read it now with the voice in your imagination coming from Jack.  I guarantee that you will laugh yourself silly.