In Defense of the Orthodox

I think people would be surprised at how frequently Reform Jews talk smack about Orthodox Jews.  In fairness, Orthodox Jews have plenty to say about our level of observance, which is totally unfair if they are unwilling to engage us in dialogue, but it cuts both ways.

When I came home from Torah study last Saturday, I told the OJ who was sleeping on my couch (he hadn't made it home in time for Shabbes and, since he can't drive after sundown on Friday, we was camping out in my living room) that the Orthodox owe me cookies again.  He was pretty surprised and wanted to know why.  I explained that I had defended them in synagogue again.

He was absolutely stunned.  Why would they need to be defended in front of other Jews?  What on earth could we have to complain about?  The basic complaint always comes down to misogyny.

Now, in fairness, let's see what "misogyny" really means.

Webster says:

Misogyny : a hatred of women

"Hatred" guys.  That's what it says.  Is that what you really mean every time you throw that word out?  Because if what you really mean is that OJ's treat women unfairly, that would be a lot less of a mean thing to say.

There are people in the Torah study group who were raised in Orthodox families and hated it.  Most of these people are over 75.  So the data that they are providing may be outrageously out of date.  Also, they might just be from really messed up families or communities.  

Which brings me to my next point which is: Do you have any idea how many different streams (or sects) of Orthodoxy there are?  Are we talking about the guys with the furry hats, the guys with the black hats, the guys with the white beanies, the guys with the NY baseball caps, the guys who only wear a kippa when in prayer, or any other number of groups in the Orthodox world?  

Back to the black hat sleeping on my couch.  He wanted to know what was said.  So I told him that the Orthodox are viewed as misogynistic.  He has a pretty good grasp of English, so he actually knew what that meant.  He wanted to know how anyone could think that.  (I'm pretty sure that he loves women in general, and he's always very nice to them.)  

One of the examples was that women are separated from the men in synagogue by a curtain.  In my argument I had pointed out that, when the boys are in a service, they aren't supposed to be checking out the ladies.  Chaim's response was, "No kidding."  (I happen to know that if any of the boys who hang out at my house can be checking out the ladies in any setting, that becomes a top priority.)  

He wanted another example.  I told him that they think OJ's are misogynistic because a lot of the men don't want to touch women they aren't married to (this includes shaking hands by the way).  The Reform ladies interpret this as a fear of ritual impurity brought on by possible menstruation, which might be true, but the only people I know (or know of, for that matter) do it because they don't touch any woman other than their wife.  That doesn't seem so weird to me.  It's okay with me not to be touched by people who are uncomfortable touching.  There are lots of cultures where it isn't okay to go up and touch someone of the opposite sex.  

Then Chaim wanted to know my defense (no doubt wondering if it was really cookie worthy).  I gave him the arguments briefly stated above and then threw in that if you don't want to sit on the other side of the curtain from your gender group that there are lots of other Jewish communities that you can go be a part of.  He wholeheartedly agrees.  If you hate the Orthodox, don't be Orthodox, but quit talking smack about them.  

As we learned from the comic strip Pogo, "I have met the enemy, and he is us."