As I was walking down the street yesterday, I passed a salon that had a little ancestor alter set up in a corner by the front window. It had a very nice food spread... a pretty bunch of bananas and some small dishes. It reminded me of something my mother said in one of my dreams once.
My mother and I were very close all of my life. We shared many a great adventure and she was my closest confidant. Since she died, I often see her in my dreams (if not every night, close to it). Even for people without a mystical bone in their body, this shouldn't sound too strange. Of course she continues to exist in my psyche. It isn't unusual for me, because there's a tradition in my family of the women dreaming of the dead. It can be of great interest to other members of the family. Mom and I knew it would happen because I occasionally had visited with her sister Denese and my brother-in-law 'Ali. Before she died, I did ask her to limit it to non-spooky things like dreams because that other stuff freaks me out.
For a while after she died we would meet in tea houses or restaurants, which was something we enjoyed while she was alive. After a bit I noticed that we never got around to ordering any food... we were just sitting around talking. So one night I asked her why she didn't ever eat. She laughed and said, "You do remember that I'm dead, right? I don't actually eat anymore." Oh yeah. No point in my setting out bananas then.
Sometimes when I go to bed at night, I think about what I'm going to write in the morning. So last night I was thinking about the "you do remember I'm dead" story when I went to sleep. Mom showed up in my dreams three times last night, which is always an important number for me for dreams. Three is kind of like the asterisks that tells me to pay attention. So here is a brief peek into the weird mind of your Auntie Helsie:
1) Mom and I talked about this month's American Express bill. (Don't be disappointed. Many of the dreams I have about mom are purely practical. All of the dreams I have about Aunt Denese are practical.)
2) We were riding in the car and talking to each other and there were two people in the back seat. I turned to ask Hamad a question about the conversation mom and I were having and he just looked at me like I was crazy. Mom very sadly reminded me that they couldn't see or hear her. "Remember, I'm dead," she said. It was so sad. Even Hamad? Her partner in crime?
3) This was the saddest dream of all. I was at a party. The party was going on for a long time so I finally slipped out and started walking home. I heard mom calling me and I turned around to find her in tears. She had been looking for me for a long time but I hadn't heard her call because I was in the noisy party. When I looked into her eyes, I saw that they were veiled and that she couldn't see. She was exhausted because she had been wandering blindly, looking for me for so long. I took her home and put her to bed.
Don't feel bad. She's usually perfectly happy. Usually we are just hanging out and messing around like we always did. For the non-mystical of you, just think of it as my mental defense so I don't have to miss my mother so much. Whatever the reason is that I see her in my dreams, it is a great comfort to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment